Everything is forgivable. This may be hard to hear and you might want to jump into defensiveness and ask; “How can you forgive someone that has hurt you so terribly?”
Forgiving someone does not mean that you are going to tolerate a specific behaviour in the present or condone past behaviour.
Forgiveness is a necessary and very important part of the healing process.
During my Woman On Fire workshop last week we did some deep healing work around forgiveness. I believe there are a lot of people, and maybe you’re one, who believes that the wrong that has been done to them is so bad that it is unforgivable. You might feel that to forgive that person would be to say; “What you did is okay and I will forget about it.” This is not the case.
Forgiveness is about taking your power back. Think about the last time you walked into a room and you saw someone you were angry with. You may have had some of the following feelings or sensations;
Heart beating faster,
Face and jaw clenched,
Chest tightness / pain,
Panic or Anxiety,
These feelings can range from the very subtle to the very obvious. When they are subtle you may be tempted to deny they exist at all.
Are the feelings and emotions listed above ones that you want to hang onto forever? I hope you’re answer is, ‘No, I don’t want to feel this way any longer.’ So, how do you walk into a room with someone that has wronged you terribly and not feel these feelings? How do you let go?
First you acknowledge what they did.
Then maybe you confide in a close friend, someone that you can trust to hold a safe space for you while not enabling you to stay stuck in your anger and bitterness.
You may want to get good and angry. Yell, scream, hit a pillow or a punching bag, stomp your feet, anything you need to do to move the angry energy.
You might choose to do mirror work. This is a very powerful and effective way of forgiving others as well as yourself. Looking deep into your own eyes say;
“I forgive (persons name) for (what they did).”
This can be very difficult to do, so start slowly and take your time. However, if you find you are on a roll keep going and get out as much ‘stuff’ as you can.
The person that you need to forgive is your salvation. That is to say that this is the person that can free you from the hell you have been living in. By forgiving them you allow yourself to stop being a victim and take your power back. You allow yourself to stand completely and fully in your own power.
I can tell you from personal experience there is nothing more empowering than forgiving someone and moving on with your life.
It may not be easy. Sometimes the pain of letting go feels as bad and as deep as the wound itself. It feels as though, by forgiving that person you are letting them off the hook and saying what you did to me is okay. Forgiveness is important so that you can think of that person or walk into a room where they are and not feel the emotions listed above, but rather to be able to feel the following:
A sense of pride in yourself
Aren’t these the feelings you would prefer to feel for the rest of your life where ever you go?
Ask yourself this question. What are you gaining by holding onto your anger? How does it serve you to hold onto your bitterness and resentment? What needs to happen for you to be able to let go?
Whatever your answer, know that you have the power to forgive and to set yourself free. It is entirely up to you.
A Course In Miracles states this;
“I am the light of the world.
Forgiveness is my function as the light of the world.
The light of the world brings peace to every mind through forgiveness.”
Our purpose on this planet is to be love. Not just to show love, but to be the embodiment of love and compassion to ourselves and others. We can only do this fully when we can forgive ourselves and others. This brings healing not just to us but to the world, and the world is in desperate need of healing my friend. If each of us does the work we need to do in order to heal, then it is possible to share that energy with others. Imagine what would happen if we all embraced our healing and our power. What if each one of us focussed on love and peace for ourselves. We would then experience a truly healed and empowered world and I don’t know about you, but this is what I would like to see.
Love and peace,