How many times have you said “I’m Sorry”, when you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing to be sorry for? Now I know we were mostly raised to believe that saying, “I’m sorry” is just the polite thing to do and sometimes it is. Sometimes it is necessary to apologize for something we’ve done that has hurt someone else. If we value that relationship and that person than we let go of our pride and we do say “I’m sorry”! I am not talking about these times. I find that many people use this sentence too often, thereby giving up their power. My response is always, “What are you apologizing for?” Most of the time they don’t know. Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship with someone who is continually demanding apologies from us simply to satisfy their ego and we give up our power by giving in.
How often do you share something with someone, making yourself vulnerable, only to be betrayed, ridiculed or shamed? I hear these stories all the time, and have been in these situations myself. I have found myself suffering this same abuse, and yes it is abuse. Abuse of confidence and abuse of trust.
This continued to happen to me, and sometimes still does, until I finally stood up and said, “No more!” I now know that I deserve better and refuse to put up with such nonsense.
Do you think you deserve to be treated disrespectfully? If so why? What are you afraid will happen if you stand up for yourself and create a healthy boundary? Why is it so hard to do this?
You teach people how to treat you, so what are you teaching the people around you?
I know how hard it can be to stand your ground when you’ve been letting people walk on you for so long and you have to ask yourself why are you not prioritizing yourself? Why do you allow others to overstep your boundaries? Do you have boundaries?
The word ‘selfish’ comes up a lot when we start setting healthy boundaries for ourselves. People like to throw that word around like it’s the most horrible thing ever and you are the most horrible person for finally drawing a line and saying “enough!”
Let me tell you why I think being selfish is a good thing.
1. Being selfish means you are caring for you first. It means you are filling your own cup, your own soul, and we both know that no one can pour anything from an empty cup. Iyanla Vanzant says that selfish is self-full. I love that statement and I completely agree.
2. Selfish means you honor and respect yourself. When you are able to do this, you will find that the people around you begin to honor and respect you as well. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.
3. Selfish means confident. You know who you are and what you want and like. You expect to be treated with respect and will accept nothing less.
4. Selfish means dedication to caring for yourself. It means NOT putting up with second best in any area of your life.
5. It means walking away from all toxic relationships because you know you deserve better. You will find that when you start being more selfish people will first attack you and then they will disappear from your life. This is okay! Don’t take it personally because it’s really not about you.
6. Selfish means self-love. You love YOU unconditionally and unapologetically.
7. Selfish is to believe in yourself. To know who you are and that you are capable of great things. To set time aside to accomplish those things, your goals, whatever they may be.
8. Selfish is to be one with your higher self, nature and Spirit. It is to listen to your ancestors, the loved ones that are whispering in your ear and giving you advice every day. Listen and pay attention.
9. Most importantly take the negative power away from the word selfish by changing your beliefs about the word. Any word for that matter, only has power over you if you allow it to.
10. Selfish means I will care about me before anyone else. If this sounds selfish, well it is and that’s good!
Let’s be clear there is a very big difference between selfish and self-centered.
Selfish is to care for me first, while also having compassion and empathy for others. When I am selfish I have healthy boundaries and am confidant in who I am and the decisions I make, while allowing others to grow at their own pace. I realize other people’s reactions and actions are not about me and I take nothing personal. I don’t allow myself to be a victim.
Self-centered is to believe the world revolves around me and everything is about me. When I am self-centered I take things personally and I make myself a victim. We’ve all been here. There are certainly times you will fluctuate between the two. The important thing is to recognize the difference. Know when you are stuck in self-centeredness, and know that you can pull yourself out of it any time you choose.
We all know someone that is stuck in their self-centered stories, and refuses to do the work necessary to change. Let them teach you. Allow yourself to learn from them. Don’t be that person. Let them teach you what not to do and how not to behave.
Selfish means I honour me, I love me, I value me, I respect me.
Be a little – or a lot – more selfish.
Honor yourself more.
Respect yourself more.
Value yourself more.
Love yourself more.
Know that it’s okay. No one will value and respect you until you value and respect yourself.
Also know that what you put out comes back to you. Remember our old friend Karma? If you don’t value and respect yourself, then you are most likely not valuing and respecting others and this is showing up in your life as lessons that are trying to tell you something. Look at the lessons in your life. What are they trying to tell you? Do you find yourself saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?” What is it that keeps happening? Pay attention. Our lessons are our teachers. We either learn or we stay stuck in the same place, continuing the same cycles over and over again. Does this feel good? Do you enjoy staying stuck? Probably not. I hope not.
Give this some thought and recognize the next time you’re feeling stuck. Pay attention to every time you give up your power. Learn from every lesson that shows up for you and from every person that treats you in way you don’t want to be treated. Then create the life you want by being more selfish.
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